To those who have decided to peripherally monitor this train to see of it goes off the rails, I feel obligated to inform you that I am not a same time every day writer. It comes when it comes and the schedule allows. I would love to be a same time every day AM writer. Alas, there are days when I am a PM writer, and even late night writer. (In fact, that is most days) Happy Scribing. Image courtesy of http://www.boredpanda.com/steam-engine-train-lost-tracks-of-time-matthew-malkiewicz/
April 11/12 – Days 162 & 163 – 1102 Words
Hey! What are you doing? Get that thing away from me. Have you lost your natural born mind?
“It is necessary to prove that you are not a Founder.”
“Yes, a Founder. The blood will tell. If I cut you and your blood drips red, then that means you are okay. Now, just give me your hand and--”
That’s it. Your Star Trek watching days are over, pal. I am putting your television away in storage.
“You can’t do that. I need to find out what happens when the Federation invades Cardassia.”
You want to know what happens? I will tell you. Duck Dodgers, Buck Rodgers, Edward James Olmos, Yoda and the Cylons win the war. The end.
“You realize that you just put a whole bunch of people together that have no business being in the same sentence, right?”
And you have no business trying to cut me to see if my blood drips red or not. In fact, why don’t you just go corner yourself until the update is over.
“With no T.V.? No thank you. I’ll hang around here for a while.”
Well, if you are going to hang around, then make yourself useful and do some update news.
“No problem. The suspected Founder—“
What? Suspected Fou—you know what? Just go ahead, forget it.
“Like I was saying, the highly suspected Founder, who is unwilling to prove his humanity, is in chapter 31 of Irony 3, and has turned up the heat on his main character, Detective Reginald Thomas Williams. The detective has got a very short amount of time to defeat one bad guy, catch another, save the girl, and get back to Bay City (where the book takes place) in order to salvage what is left of his career. Can he do it? Maybe, maybe not, but one thing is for sure; there is no way I am going to let those bloody Changelings take over earth."
OW! What the--?
“Alright, you are okay and not a Founder. I feel better now, don’t you?”
Give me that! *snatch* Now, it’s your turn. Hey, get back here!
“Gotta go. The bible says pray without ceasing and I am behind right now.”
You’d better pray I don’t catch you! Folks, I have to go. I need to get a band-aid and then track me down a mental patient. Thanks for riding the Irony 3 Novel Train today and happy writing. Feel free to see Contact page for calendar blurbs and Home page progress meter for count and mood. Hey, I said get back here!
April 13/14 – Days 164 & 165 – 514 Words
“You’re late with the update.”
Well, why didn’t you write it?
“You’re asking a made up character, who only exists in your head, why he didn’t write the update?”
Oh, right, sorry.
“And you want to take my Star Trek away? I think someone should take you away.”
Alright, alright, no need to get all personified up in here.
“Personified? Wow, nice use of word context. No wonder your books suck.”
I’m going to give you some knuckles to suck in a minute.
“Hey, I am not the one who is late with the update. So, I think you should knuckle yourself.”
Not before you get it first.
“Oh, yeah? I dare you. Go ahead, knuckle me.”
You’re asking for it.
“How about this; I think Little Shop of Horrors stinks!”
Rick Moranis Little Shop?
“Worst. Version. Ever!”
“Ha-ha-ha! Rocket scientist. Can’t touch this. Imaginary, rememb-OW! Hey, what was that?”
An imaginary knuckle sandwich. Now, go play with your Star Trek figurines or something.
Okay, folks, better late than never. If you noticed, and of course you did, Day 165 was an off day. That leaves a two day total of 514 words. Things are about as hot as they are going to get. Got my MC out of one jam and put him right into another. Hopefully, soon, he will be racing to save the girl from perilous danger. (Said in my head as - peeeriloouus daaaaangerrrr) I believe that about wraps this loony puppy up. I am still in chapter 31, headed toward The End, riding the rails of the Irony 3 or Bust Novel Train. Glad you are here too. Happy writing. Feel free to see Contact page for calendar blurbs and Home page progress meter for count and mood.
April 15/16/17 – Days 166, 167 & 168 – 1541 Words
“I want a pony.”
“You heard me, a pony.”
Bwahaha! That’s funny. What in the world would you do with a pony?
“What else? Pony rides.”
Okay, then why do you want a pony?
“I will say this slowly, because I know you are a writer. P-o-n-y r-i-d-e-s.”
Even if I was thinking about doing it, which I am not, why would I now, after you just insulted me?
“Aw, come on, man. It’s not like it is going to cost you anything.”
Are you kidding? Ponies cost thousands of dollars. Not only do I not have that kind of money, but I would have nowhere to keep it if I was crazy enough to buy one.
“And how much do imaginary ponies cost?”
“As regular readers of these posts know, you never miss an opportunity to remind me that I am not real, and just a figment of your imagination.”
Me? You did it yourself last update.
“Oh, really? And who writes my dialogue?”
“Exactly. And if I am imaginary, then I can have an imaginary pony. All you have to do is conjure one up, put me on top of it and wala-Pony rides.”
Where is all of this coming from?
“What do you mean?”
If I know you like I do, and I do know you like I do, then there is an angle to this that you are not telling.
“Angle? What angle? Ponies don't have angles.”
Yeah, right. That response alone tells me that you are up to something.
“*Sigh* Okay, you got me. But, if I tell you the reason, do you promise not to wig out?”
Let me hear the reason first and we’ll see.
“Just remember, we’re all cool headed here, right?”
Will you just tell me already?
“Alright, here goes, Chief O’Brien needs a new graviton stabilizer to fix the gravity net on the Defiant. A Bolian freighter captain has a spare, but he will only exchange it for 100 gross of self-sealing stem bolts. A Ferengi named Quark has the bolts, but he will only exchange them for 40 cases of tube grubs and a haul of beetle snuff, the Grand Nagus’ favorite. Now, I know where I can get--”
Star Trek? Again?! Man, and I am serious, you have to stop watching that show. It is frying whatever imaginary brain cells you have lef--
“Wait, before you get all bent out of shape, this will benefit you too.”
In what possible way can this benefit me?
“One word. The Great Material Continuum."
I have one word for you. It is called therapy. Get some, fast!
“Do you want the Dominion to take over? Are you so blind to--”
Alright, alright! If I conjure up a pony for you, will you shut up and go away. Far, far away?
“The farthest. Where no man has gone before.”
*dejected sigh* I have got to find me some better imaginary friends. There, there is your pony. Now, go away.
“Thanks, I promise, you won’t regret this. The Great Material Continuum will take care of us, you’ll see.”
I’d settle for them taking just you.
Alright, folks, it is the end of another writing week on the rails of the Irony 3 or Bust Novel Train. And, the first time in twenty four weeks that I am combining three days in one. Will it become a trend? *shrugs* That would cut the updates down to three a week instead of four, but we will see. As for the actual writing of the book, I would say I am about 10-15k away from completion. I don’t remember if that is still on track from the last time I predicted how much I thought remained, but it is what I think now. My MC is almost out of the latest trouble I put him in, but it is no easy exit. He might get burned on this one. Anyway, the caboose on this loony puppy is still in motion, and that is a beautiful thing. Happy writing. Feel free to see Contact page for calendar blurbs and Home page progress meter for count and mood.
For this week's week end jam, I give you Tamela Mann's Take Me To the King.
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